| Table Top | 10

Today I’ve taken some time out of my usual routine to be a bit quieter than normal, while I just sit for a few moments and remember.

Architettura Negativo Candle by Fornasetti 

Today, would have been my mothers 60th birthday, if she was still alive. I wonder what she would have been like now. She was such a mild mannered woman. She had a great gift of treating every one the same regardless of where they came from, their upbringing or their circumstances. Everyone was uniquely equal to her. I wish I could emulate this as well as many other of her virtues but I am far too selfish and protective of my family to be so thoroughly open hearted. I wonder if that would make her frown.

It’s been 26 years since she died. 26 years and not a single day has passed where I do not think of her for at least a fleeting second. Some days I still still talk to her in my head. Sometimes I can imagine what her response would be. Sometimes I draw a complete blank. 

People used to tell me that time will heal. It doesn’t and it hasn’t with me. It has dulled the pain but not healed it. Every birthday that passes the pain is there. Every Christmas, every new year, every special occasion too. I’ve come to realise that pain is not always negative. Pain is how our body keeps us from harm after all. So,  I have accepted the pain of missing my mother as a positive response to life. It reminds me to live and push on and to grab life with all I can and to set an example for my son. 

Hiro has bought me a candle to mark this day every year. Light is such a beautiful gift and a wonderful way to commemorate her birthday.